Hi Baby Talk
Radio listeners this is Iris Waichler author of Riding the
Infertility Rollercoaster, A Guide to Educate and Inspire. Today I
wanted to continue to focus on the infertility issues. As I did
research for my book I seldom saw men’s voices in the literature and
I was really surprised by that. So today I wanted to address the
impact of infertility and parenting on men.
I made a
point of interviewing men in my book to include their point of view
and their perspective. I felt this was a really crucial aspect of
the infertility journey and their voices need to be heard. Men are
really impacted by the losses of their significant others and are
strongly impacted by their partner’s pregnancy.
The focus of
infertility treatment is often on the woman. But many people are
surprised to learn that 40% of the time the reason a pregnancy is
not achieved is because of some type of medical issue in relation to
the man. Doctor’s often don’t’ even include men in their discussion
of medical issues and treatment.
And sometimes
doctor’s will assume that a man has a better understanding of what
is going on medically than they really do. Men may be reluctant to
ask questions. They may be fearful of upsetting their partner and
they also may be uncomfortable with the doctors. But it’s really
really critical that you and your male partner openly discuss
infertility issues and how it impacts your relationship and your
lives.
This mutual
support is a really key component in your infertility struggle.
Many women sometimes do cope differently with loss, grief and stress
and sometimes women are more comfortable discussing their feelings
with others. Men may feel that they need to be stronger for the
women in their lives and may mask their fears and concerns.
The woman is
the one that endures the physical challenges of pregnancy but the
man is there emotionally and is effected by what happens. Bringing
a child into your life, whether it’s through adoption or some type
of infertility treatment is a profound life changing experience for
both men and women.
The inability
to become a parent for a couple who desperately want to parent is a
crippling loss for both the man and the woman. I hope this is
helpful and I hope that the notion of talking openly about your
feelings with each other is one that you will strongly consider. I
wish good luck to you on your infertility journey. Thank you very
much.
