Helping Dads Help Moms in Childbirth Part One

Hello my name is Wintergreen; I’m a trustee of Common Knowledge Trust, an educational charitable trust located in New Zealand.  We produce the pink kit for birthing better resources.  In the talk today I’m going to begin to answer one of the big questions dads ask about childbirth.  How do I know when she needs my help? I’ll be addressing lots of other questions expectant parents have over the next 16 weeks. Childbirth skills are best learned from 24 weeks onwards so here is your first lesson. 

Knowing when a woman needs help in labor is such an important question and it requires a number of answers and knowing when to help doesn’t necessarily mean you know how to help that comes next.  Even with skills if you don’t know when to help it’s much more difficult to help effectively in labor.  Knowing when to help a women means you need to be able to hear and see whether the women is coping with the pain full sensations as labor gets more intense. 

Today we will go over a pink kit scene and observing skill.  Next week at week 25 we will go over a pink kit hearing skill.  The following week, week 26, we will define your job description a bit more so you clearly know when and how to help the women in labor. 

When to help depends on your ability to recognize early signs of any tension in the women and then help her to relax.  The quicker you notice tension, the sooner you can help then it’s easier for the women to get on top of the contractions.  Labor is one contraction at a time and recognizing early tension and reducing it prevents labors that feel out of control.  Of course a women’s job is to stay on top of the painful sensations, let them happen and yet feel in control of how she is responding.  This can be very challenging to us as women.  Labor can hurt.  A women’s body is a three dimensional container with a very big object, our baby, trying to get out. 

Childbirth is called labor because it’s hard work.  She wants you to know when and how to help her do the work and you want to know when and how to help her.  It’s easiest if the two of you work together with a shared set of skills.  Any tension the woman has in her body may make labor contractions more painful and more difficult to deal with.  Tensing up in response to pain is very natural.  As women we can learn to manage ourselves by using good birthing skills particularly with the attentive help of a good birth coach.  Whether we like labor or not if we manage ourselves well we feel proud of ourselves afterward.  As a dad you can share the incredible sense of accomplishment when you know you’ve helped at every step of the way. 

In this exercise give yourselves a five second time limit.  Childbirth is mystery enough without being miss defined so this isn’t rocket science and you have the rest of your pregnancy to practice.  Turn to your partner or look in the mirror if you are own your own when listening to this.  Have a relaxed forehead and face.  Dads look at her face, if her forehead looks relaxed in labor she is coping whether her eyes are open or not.  Either she is in very early labor and isn’t feeling any pain or she is putting coping skills in place even during each painful contraction. 

Remember a woman might not like the experience and her inner voice might be discussing that but if her forehead is relaxed then she is coping and that is a good time to support her if she needs anything but she doesn’t need a lot of help.  Now just frown a bit, remember five seconds.  If she is frowning she is not thinking about whether she left the pot on the stove she is telling you she is having some difficulty staying on top of the pain this is when you help her and coach her.  Her facial features are telling you when to help, it’s as simple as that and when you learn to see and observe small reactions to pain then you can help sooner; labor never needs to get out of control. 

You can always come to our website http://www.birthingbetter.com and check out the pink kit method resources.  Childbirth skills that come from ordinary people just like ourselves, skills from both moms and dads.  See you next time.