Transcripts
A lot of new father’s worry
that they are going to be left out while their wife is breastfeeding the
newborn baby. That’s exactly the subject of a great email that I got
just the other day. Dear Mr. Dad, everyone says that new mother’s
should breastfeed their baby’s but I’ve never really known why. I know
this sounds nuts but is there anything I can do to stay involved while
my wife is nursing? I feel so left out.
Well before their baby’s are born
just about any expectant father you ask would say that breastfeeding hands
down is the best way to feed the baby and that his partner should nurse the
child as long as possible. And there is a good reason for that. Let me
tell you about some of the advantageous. First of all there is no
preparation; there is no heating, no bottles, no dishes to wash, it’s free,
formula is not cheap these days.
It never runs out, never any
waste, it’s good for your partner because it gives her a chance to bond with
the baby, it helps to get her uterus back into shape after the birth and
it’s great for the baby too. It’s the perfect blend of nutritients that
kids are looking for at exactly that age. Breastfed kids have a much lower
chance than formula fed kids than developing food allergies, respiratory,
gastrointestinal problems, of becoming obese as adults and it also transmits
the mother’s immunity to diseases certainly all throughout childhood.
Also there have been some links
between breastfeeding and increases in IQ plus maybe the best one of all,
diapers don’t stink. Breastfed babies produce poop that smells kind of
sweet actually especially when you compare it to the stuff that formula fed
babies produce. After the baby comes along a lot of new dads have a change
of heart, it’s not that they don’t support breastfeeding – they still think
it’s the best thing for everyone – it’s just that the whole thing makes them
feel a little bit left out.
Basically breastfeeding keeps up
that exclusive relationship that the mother had with the infant during
pregnancy and it takes it out into the newborn as a result of this its
pretty common for new breastfeeding spectator dads, as you might want to
call them, to feel some or all of the following:
a fear that it’s going to be
harder to bond and develop a relationship with the child, a sense of
inadequacy & that nothing he could every do could compete with his partners
breast, a slight feel of resentment towards the baby that is going to come
between his partner and him, a sense of relief when the baby is weaned
because he will finally have a chance to catch up and a sense that because
women can breastfeed that they somehow posses the knowledge and skills that
naturally make them better parents which means, kind of a subtext of that,
that men just aren’t suited for the job.
Studies of new and expectant
parents show all the time that they consider feeding to be the most
important aspect of caring for a new infant and that makes perfectly good
sense. All these other things, changing diapers and rocking and sleeping
and things like that are important but you can get along without them but
you couldn’t get along without food.
There is no question that if your
partner is breastfeeding you are kind of at a disadvantageous but just
because she has got control of the breasts and the foods that in them
doesn’t mean that you’ve got to back off. There are a number of ways that
you can get involved in the process and help make breastfeeding a pleasant
experience for everybody.
First of all if your partner is
pumping you can bottle the feed the baby with breast milk but don’t push too
hard on that one – a lot of women find expressing milk or pumping milk a
little comfortable or sometimes even painful. If you decide to go that
route, wait a couple of weeks before you introduce the bottle so your baby
will have a chance to get completely comfortable with nursing and a real
breast.
Sometimes they will reject the
breast if they get used to getting milk out of a bottle because it’s a lot
easier to get milk out of a bottle than it is a real breast. Try not to
take it to personally if your baby seems less than interested in taking a
bottle from you, once they’ve gotten used to their mother’s nipples they get
a little surprised when they get a plastic nipple in their mouth and some
will refuse to take a bottle all together. Don’t give up!
Plastic nipples like real ones
come in all sorts of different shapes and sizes. You might have to do a
little experimenting before you and your baby figure out exactly what works
for everybody but you’ll eventually get there. Get plenty of time with the
baby for activities that provide a lot of skin to skin contact.
Things like changing diapers,
cuddling, putting them to sleep, bathing and maybe just sitting around in
your chair with your shirt off while baby takes a nap on your chest, that’s
fantastic and it gives you and the baby to be alone together and create your
own relationship. You kind of learn how the baby smells and reacts and the
baby is learning how you smell and react. The more that happens the more
confident you are going to fee in your abilities as a parent.
If you can’t do the skin to skin
thing still try to spend as much time with your baby as you can. Go for
walks in the stroller or pop them in the front pack and go out grocery
shopping, anything at all that you can do to be together this is assuming
that of course your doctor says that the baby is healthy and can go out.
Support your partner anyway that
you can. What is really interesting is that the more supportive husbands
are of their nursing wives the longer they will breastfeed and the more they
will enjoy it. The current thinking now among pediatricians is that women
should try to breastfeed for at least a year. Be patient if your partner
seems just a little bit less interested in sex.
Think of it from her perspective,
someone has been crawling all over her, sucking at her breasts five or six
times a day for 15-20 minutes at a pop. You might just be a little less
than completely enthusiastic about having somebody else grope you at the end
of the day. That would kind of be her take on it.
Your partners nursing can also
affect intercourse as well. Nursing women are producing lower levels of
hormones in her body that are responsible for producing vaginal lubrication
and without lubrication intercourse can be uncomfortable or even painful for
her so instead of thinking that she’s not interested in you anymore just
stock up on a good water based lubricant.
If you’ve got a comment or
question that you would like to get the dad’s perspective about you can drop
me a line through the Baby talk Radio.com website or you can visit my
website,
http://www.mrdad.com. You can send me email from there and you can find
out about the various books that I’ve written starting with the Expectant
Father going onto the first year and the toddler years. I’ve got a podcast
for dads, a daily podcast called The Daddy Cast and a brand new DVD that’s
called Toolbox for New Dads. You can also subscribe to my monthly
newsletter, the Mister Dad.com newsletter. You can do all of that at
http://www.mr.dad.com.
